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need help : 4 year old step child
Posted by: amnrb at 2007-11-28
She wants to constantly be with her mother every single time. She would not play outside or play with her toys, or even me, without her mother being around. She even refuses to go to bed until my wife reads her a book or stays with her until she falls asleep.
She pretty much refuses to do anything without her mother being around. I feel my wife encourages this behavior by constantly trying to do everything for her, and just plain bowing to her every need and giving her too much attention.
I feel my wife is preventing her from growing up into an individual. I spoke to my wife about this and she thinks that my step-child just needs more attention, and that it is perfectly natural. Most of the time, my wife would ask her to do something but, she has to tell her multiple times before she actually does it, and when my step-child does do it, she throws a temper tantrum and just starts crying.
Sometimes I think my step-child just feels insecure without her mother around, so I try to develop a relationship with her and make her feel more comfortable, by doing stuff with her.
I don't know what to do anymore.
Comment
Your Step-daughter's insecurities and her need to be with her mom are rather normal...
Posted by:
forumadmin
at
2007-11-28
Sounds like she feels very insecure and/or is afraid that something terrible would happen if her mom is not around.
Apparently, these short four years she has been on this planet has exposed her to some very scary or insecure experiences.
It is not uncommon for a young child -especially those who had to see their parents go through a divorce at a young and fragile age -to want to find security and warmth of his/her parent. Consider this to be an opportunity to gain her trust.
There is no "paint by numbers" howto for earning love and trust of such a young and very insecure child. However, whenever you will get there, you will have that truly out-of-this-world moment of having that child feel safe, secure, and loved while being with you.
You wife is probably right -your step-child may just be in need of a bit more attention.
You are on the right track -continue to try and develop a relationship with her and make her feel more comfortable, by doing stuff with her. Considering she is only four year old, doing stuff together like play time together, reading a book to her, etc., should help you create a healthy relationship with her over time. Patiently allow this whatever time it takes to happen. In doing so, you would make a wonderful difference not only in her life, but also bolster your relationship with your wife.
How long ago was your wife's divorce?
How was her relationship with her biological father?
Do you let her know (not just in words, but more importantly through your actions) you truly love her?
Comment
Maybe a movie?
Posted by:
stepdadsarerealdads
at
2008-01-26
Maybe you could find out what kind of movies she likes and take her to one at the theater. Get her lots of popcorn and candy. What about Chuckie Cheese? I think these two things might be fun and distract her from missing mom. It would also be a great bonding thing for the two of you. Good luck friend. As she gets to know you better it should get easier. Hang in there.
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Forum administrator
Posted by:
stepdadsarerealdads
at
2008-01-26
I am sorry to place my query here, but I need to contact the forum administrator and cannot find their contact info. If anyone can help me please do. I am confused about the use of this website. It is complicated. Thanks, stepdadsarerealdads
