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I need new input and or advise, PLEASE.

My wife and I have been together since the children were (boy) 6 and (girl) 11. The children are now 11 and 16. The mother is in a very demanding profession and she is away from the children 16 hours a day. When she has a day off, she usually spends it away from the children, leaving the children with me.

The mother has OCD and Narcissistic issues by her own admissions. The biological father lives in a different state and has many issues of his own. Of his own choosing, he sees the children about twice a year for just a few days. Neither the mother nor the biological father seem to care as long as they are not bothered with any issues that arise; however, when I try to do anything, the mother undermines me.

For example, if I tell the children "NO" you may not go to a "bar with your friends, unsupervised" the children know that their mother will not say no, so they go around me to get her to over rule my "NO". This was an actual incident involving the 16 year old when she was age 14. The children are good hearted children, but they get very little guidance from their biological parents.. They are constantly trying to get their mother and biological fathers attention and approval; consequently, I see the children hurting inside because of the superficial remedies that the biological parents respond, i.e. if the child is troubled or upset, the mothers usual response is to buy them clothing or some other item, and she believes this will fix everything. It has been my observation and belief that the children just want to know that someone cares. Sometimes they need a hug or for someone to just listen to them.

I try to be there for them; however, like most humans we want what we can not have, and in this case they can not have their biological parents unconditional love, so they want it that much more. I can not feel this void in their hearts. I have tried everything that I know to try. I try to be there for the children. I have tried to talk to the mother. The mothers response to me is,"Am I not allowed to have a social life?". My answer back to her is," Of course you are, but not at the expense of your children." I have tried recommending therapy. I have tried orchestrating special family outings. All I get is resistance from the adults. The biological father is completely unapproachable.