I need some help

I will start with the basics. I was 20 when I meat my wife.

You are deployed, so I will let you get away with using "meat" when you intended to say "meet" --unless it was a toung-in-cheek Freudian Slip. Relax, just trying to be funny here.

She was so kind and sweet to me, even on the first date. We dated for about a month and then we got married.

Could it be that you two have not yet had long time together to grow the depth of your relationship?

Things were off to a bit of a rocky start because her family did not like how old I am.

Over time, as her family gets to know you better --someone who loves his wife and children dearly --you can count on her family becoming closer to you. Patience, Sir.

My wife and daughter had a falling out about 3 years prior to me coming into the picture. She lived next door with my mother-in-law. Her sons lived with us and things were ok. Her sons and I get along great. Her daughter dose not like that I m closer to her age that I am to my wife.

Use that feedback as mere data-point. Dont let that upset you. Being in army, you have been trained to keep emotions out while dealing with tough situations. Tap into those abilities, and use that intel to better manage/mitigate the task at hand --that of letting the time create the foundation of her accpeting you for who you are.

To top things off, my sons real father(and I use the term loosely) still has a little custody over them. Enough till they see him every other week end. Hes unwilling to give up custody to me but dose not seem to want to spend time with them. He got his work week planed so that he works on the week ends he is needs to have them over. This way he only keeps them around for a few hours at the most.

Sounds like a situation/development that works in your favor!

I am currently deployed to Iraq and I still have about 6 more months to go. My daughter said that she would move back in with my wife, but only if she will get rid of me.

Kids say the darnest things! She too will grow up and will start to think with sanity. in the mean time, dont let those kinds of juvenile remarks make you lose your peace of mind.

Theres not much I can do from over here, but I would like some ideas on things I could do.

You have enough on your plate while being deployed. Keep safe, keep faith in your goodself. I think it boils down to how much you trust yourself.

I want to get full custody of my sons. I also want to find a way to have my daughter live with us.

These are good intentions. Dont get overboard trying to see them materialize on your timetable. Trying to do so, no matter how well-intended, may portray you needlessly in bad light.

I dont think she could see me as a father, but at least a friend...

Dont rush to those conclusions. Let time determine how things shape up. Could it be she holds her mom responsible (in some ways) for the breakup? It is normal for a child that misses the other parent (her dad, in this case) to take it out on the new step parent. Keep this in mind, treat this as sort of a "usual" response, and dont let it get to you.

please help me......

While you are under stressful conditions, it is normal to have an amplified reaction to these kinds of trigger points. For heaven's sake dont let these things get to you.

Please be safe, and take good care of yourself.

Replies to this comment

thank you...... (Posted by mike100 at 2009-02-21)